The Last Stand

21 Jan


Synopsis: “The leader of a drug cartel busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexican border, where the only thing in his path is a sheriff and his inexperienced staff.” (Rated R; 1 hour 47 minutes)

You may think I’m being sarcastic when I tell you that it was refreshing to see a piece of awful entertaining garbage after the last few Oscar movies, but it was!

Did Korean director Jee-woon Kim speak any English and understand the words spoken by the actors? I have no idea, but it certainly didn’t feel that way! Taking a page out of The Expendables, the dialogue in the movie was completely written to give Schwarzenegger cool things to say. But the dialogue came across like a foreign movie with a bad dub. Remember those “American” bad guys in Jackie Chan’s Rumble in the Bronx who were all white people but who spoke like video game characters who were literally dubbing their lines? That’s what this reminded me of at times. The timing of everything was so delayed and off that I started cracking up even more than I was supposed to. Someone would say something, Johnny Knoxville would respond and then grin, and instead of the next camera shot going to the next person saying a line, it would stay on Knoxville’s amused face and give an extra few second delay to wait for the audience to laugh I think. It was bizarre…and damn entertaining.

The action was actually pretty cool at times, and literally in the midst of any violent moment on the side of the good guys, there was always time for a silly one-liner or a light joke. Nonetheless, if you grew up watching silly action fluff in the 80’s, it’s hard to imagine you not being entertained by this movie like Jared and I were last night. And although Schwarzenegger looks like he’s gotten old, it’s good to know he still packs a punch and fires a gun well, even if it means that every other line from his mouth you thought he was about to say, “I’m getting too old for this shit”! And the car that the bad guy was driving was pretty much a central character itself in the movie, and it should be nominated for best supporting actor because not only was it awesome, but unlike the rest of the movie, it had no lines to flub.

The movie was better than The Expendables where they didn’t even pretend to have a plot, though they had great explosions. It was worse than every single other “awesome” Schwarzenegger movie you grew up with, but don’t get me wrong, it’s still a lot of fun.

Quality Rating: C- (Saved by likable good-guy camaraderie, and cool action scenes)

Boaz Rating: B+ (You thought my mocking would get it a lower Boaz rating? Hell no, we were having  a grand old time watching it!)


8 Responses to “The Last Stand”

  1. Shlomo Abraham January 22, 2013 at 11:52 am #

    I’m still waiting for a movie that gets below 5 on the Boaz rating


  2. boazconstrictor January 22, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    That may take a while, it implies I didn’t enjoy myself while watching it whether it’s good or bad, and that only happens once in a while, thus I separate the ratings! 🙂


  3. Jared Rubin January 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

    Quality Rating 10/10… Jared Rating 10/10. This is one of the greatest movies of our time. To think Arnold waited 10 years to star in a feature film, and clearly it was worth the wait!!!!


    • boazconstrictor January 22, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

      Ha, I’m glad you enjoyed it so much, it was definitely fun watching it with you and was a ridiculous and fun movie. 🙂


      • movierob April 22, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

        I gotta say, I didnt enjoy it at all. I LOVED Arnie movies from the 80’s, but I just couldn’t find a way to enjoy this campy stupid movie. Maybe it’s because Im 20+ years older than I was when I saw Predator (1987) and the Running Man (1987). I really wanted to enjoy it, but just couldn’t. I think Arnie should just stick to politics these days. His days as an action hero are over.


  4. boazconstrictor April 22, 2013 at 12:11 pm #

    Lol, sorry, sounds like lately you think I’m too nice to the ones you dislike and too harsh on the ones you’re liking. Guess we’re not on the same page, but that’s okay. Movies are like any artform, they’re to the eye of the beholder, especially when you’re talking about enjoyment factors, not merely technical merits.
    I still talk about this movie with my friend Jared and he even recently suggested wanting to see it again!



  1. Stoker | Boaz's Movie Obsession - March 19, 2013

    […] I’ve seen in 2013 that was the English-language debut of a Korean filmmaker.  The first was The Last Stand (reviewed within that link), while this one is the debut of Chan-wook Park, the violently […]


  2. G.I. Joe: Retaliation (“My Theories On Why I Didn’t Like It”) | Boaz's Movie Obsession - April 28, 2013

    […] has that stopped me from having a grand old time watching an action spectacle? Read my review for The Last Stand, and especially Olympus Has Fallen, action movies can be extremely entertaining in spite of having […]


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