The 2014 Movie Tally – A Year In (Comedic) Review

13 Jan

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A whole year goes by, and I’ve barely been blogging. What gives?!

Granted, I’ve been incredibly busy helping my hospital transition from old-fashioned paper charting, to our newly improved electronic medical records. I’ve also been continuing with school full-time for a higher nursing degree. But dammit, not only my movie-blogging has suffered, but my actual movie-going has too. This year marks the absolute lowest number of movies I’ve seen since…well, since I’ve started counting in college! (EDITOR NOTE: Boaz started counting from a very young age, not in his college years, he is simply referring to keeping count of his movie tally in the above statement. Any attempts to disparage Boaz and his ability to count, spell or read will be subject to lawsuit.)

While it may be unrealistic for me to think I’ll have the time to ever blog about EVERY movie I see – as I did once before – I do have a few attainable goals in mind for 2015:

1. See more movies. I need to get back to my roots and get my average back up closer to 150 per year. When you read my final number for the year you may notice it’s still more movies than anyone else you know. Nonetheless, it makes me sad inside. And teacher says that every time Boaz is sad an Angel loses his wings.

2. Blog more. Even if not constantly, just needs to happen more often. I miss writing, and a few kind readers have told me they miss reading them, so the narcissist in me must feed the devoted audience. Let’s put it this way, my next blog had better not be catching you up with my tally for 2015.

3. “Forget” to leave the toilet seat up once or twice. My wife Adi has gotten so used to me being a good husband, it’s time I bring back a little slapstick to the house. The only thing funnier than seeing someone slip on a banana peel is the noise of someone screaming and splashing as they “fall” into a toilet. Comedy gold…

4. Be a good husband and listen more, and do what Adi wants for a change because…wait, we have time for a QUADRUPLE feature on Sunday?!

Okay, now that my wish list for 2015 is on full display…

Final count for movies I saw in the theater during 2014:

– 103 movies!

– Sounds like a lot? Consider that my old average was 150, and my last two years were 135 and 139 respectably.

– This includes what I saw in the theater between January 1st and December 31st of 2014.

Ready for the breakdown of who I saw them with? Here is where many of my friends come into the picture, and I’ll give examples of movie highs and lows from each friend…

1. Adi – 71 movies. Tsk tsk, in 2012 she saw 106 with her crazy boyfriend. In 2013 she saw 87 with her obsessed fiancé. But in 2014 she saw only 71 movies with her one-track husband. Are you sensing a pattern here? Should I be worrying about my marriage? I went on at least 3 hikes with her last year, but I only get 71 movies in return? I know what you’re all thinking, men give and women take, it’s an age-old tale…I’m still unsure what I would call the year’s best movie, but the absolute 100% most FUN I had at the movies this year was a tie between Guardians of the Galaxy and X-Men: Days of Future Past. Marvel is starting to challenge Pixar as the most consistently clever, entertaining and creative movie empire in town. They keep churning out big spectacles and surprising us with good writing, smart directors and great casting. You definitely get your money’s worth…

2. Jared – 12 movies. While this is a slight decline from the 15 he saw with me in 2013, it’s actually quite impressive considering he lived in Pasadena. Now that he’s moving nearby to the city, just imagine how much better 2015 might be. The sky’s the limit…for Jared and Boaz that is. Adi may already be a lost cause with her pathetic 71 movie count. The most creative/cool/inventive movie of the year: Snowpiercer. Most disappointing movies of the year given my expectations: Tie between The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty and The Gambler. Both sucked, and I don’t say that often as readers should know.

3. Mittelman – 9 movies. The one friend I have who actually has and uses the movie app. I’m still not convinced it would work well for me, but I gotta love a friend who can see a movie every 24 hours with me. Best movie of the year you heard of but didn’t know was great: Chef. The movie that will likely (and deservedly) win Best Picture that you still haven’t seen: Boyhood (wow, what a film-making feat!)

4. Avish – 9 movies. Avish is such a good friend, she will literally come see a movie she wasn’t interested in just because Adi and I walked to the movie theater and will eventually need a ride home. She also has taste that typically is limited to art-house indies, but then randomly she’ll need to see Winnie The Pooh above all else. I saw some pretty great movies with her, but the one that was absolutely fantastic, and you probably think was a mindless blockbuster sequel: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. It won’t even be considered for the major Oscars, and that’s simply sad. Because it was awesome. Awesome. AWE-SOME. (Rule of thumb: anything with Andy Serkis doing motion capture is awesome, If he played the big screen version of Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo he would probably warrant an Oscar nomination.)

5. Shlomo – 7 movies. The one friend I can count on to ask me to save him a certain movie, then see that movie when it comes out, and then complain that I made him see it with me when he hates it. Every time. Classic Shlom…he reminds me of that underrated Jon Lovitz cartoon The Critic, since the first thing he says after almost every movie is “it sucked!”. Somehow I’m almost disappointed when he doesn’t say it…The best fighting scenes of any movie this year: Tie between John Wick and The Raid 2. If you’re a fan of (who cares what the plot is but) incredible action sequences, don’t miss either of them.

6a. Mike B. – 5 movies. He really wanted to be higher on the list this year, and he just barely did, but c’mon Mikey, we used to see dozens a year, we can do better than this next time! Mike holds the special distinction of being able to remember every movie he’s ever seen with me, as well as the date and theater we saw it in. But did he remember to bring milk from the grocery store like his wife asked? I think not! Best movie for anyone who plays fantasy football or watches the real thing: Draft Day. This Kevin Costner movie got trashed by most critics, but it was fun, tight and exciting, and…oh get your head out of the gutter!

6b. Ephraim – 5 movies. Sadly, this friend moved away to the Windy City, so I expect he won’t be on this list in future years. But what a great guy to see movies with…if you don’t mind someone LOUDLY TALKING AND COMPLAINING THROUGHOUT IT. And therefore yes, he was the absolute perfect person to see Blended and Tammy with this year, both quite lame and way more fun thanks to his running-at-the-mouth complaints.

6c. Josh B. – 5 movies. This sucks! Josh was the title-winner the previous few years (after Adi of course) and this year he plummeted down from 16 to 5. But wait you might argue (if you know him) that he just had a baby, that changes everything! Ah, but I know something that you don’t know, his baby is not left-handed! Oh, and also it was born at the end of the year, so it really wasn’t a relevant factor. Instead I must resign myself to the knowledge that he simply chose not to see as many movies with me, and our once strong friendship is clearly slipping away into the ether…Runner-up (to Planet of the Apes) as the best movie of the year that you THOUGHT was a big, dumb blockbuster, but was actually smart and awesome: Edge of Tomorrow. Yes, Tom Cruise was in a clever and hilarious sci-fi movie. It happened.

7a. Shira G. – 4 movies. My friend used to live miles away and I’d see hordes of movies with her. Now she lives a few blocks from here and we’re only at 4 for the year? Must be something I said…Great movie that shows that even funny Saturday Night Live actors can act amazingly well in dramas that make you want to kill yourself. Bravo: The Skeleton Twins.

7b. Cindy – 4 movies. All year Cindy kept telling me she needs to get back onto the movie list. You see we used to watch many together, but then she got a job and it became more difficult. So Cindy did the only sensible thing anyone in her situation would do: she changed jobs so that she could start working from home in order to see more movies with me again. Welcome back to the list Cindy, I expect great things from 2015…Movie and studio who’s hype is starting to confuse me: Disney’s Big Hero 6. I liked the movie. I really did. But I have the same problem with this as I did the previous year with Disney’s Frozen. Too many people said it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Frozen was a very pretty and entertaining movie with some nice songs and a story that says that men suck and sisters are the only true love out there. Awesome, liked it. But it wasn’t the greatest movie, cartoon or anything in ages, just good Disney fun. Big Hero 6 once again was a really entertaining movie. In fact I liked it more than Frozen. But when Cindy told me that her friends were raving that it was the best movie of the year I may have lost my faith in humanity for just a moment.

7d. Nathan – 4 movies. This friend spent the early part of the year piloting helicopters for the army and still managed to make the list. For those of you who think you don’t have the time to see a movie with me because of your busy lives in LA, for shame…Best cartoon of the year: The LEGO Movie. There were so many clever jokes thrown out during the movie that I honestly need to see it again.

I’ll stop my breakdown right there, but honorable mention goes to the following friends who saw 3 with me: Kavka, Yoni, Jason R., Dan & Michelle,

And a special shameful shout-out to Patrick, Abe and Farnaz, who all made the cut last year but this year saw nothing but my birthday movie with me. I didn’t know we were having problems with our friendships, but clearly I need to redraft my will before it gets too late.

Speaking of my birthday movie, I’ll finish off with this fun photo that sums up my 2014 movie year as well as my friends: a whole bunch of us crazies camped out late at night to see the absolutely phenomenal X-Men sequel. Many people were fans of the series, many more just came to spend time doing what I love for my birthday, but all of us had a damn fun night together…at the movies!

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11 Responses to “The 2014 Movie Tally – A Year In (Comedic) Review”

  1. Caz January 13, 2015 at 12:33 am #

    I like that you keep track of who you went to see films with and how many times :-). I only managed 62 last year and that was my record so far! I am on course to beat January’s record from last year already!

    Like

    • boazconstrictor January 13, 2015 at 1:05 am #

      You should be proud of your record, that’s a heck of a lot more than most sane people could ever see! Thanks for the supportive words 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Caz January 13, 2015 at 4:21 am #

        I’m hoping to beat it this year!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. movierob January 13, 2015 at 1:21 am #

    only 103 movies? Boaz, I’m ashamed of you 🙂

    granted I saw less than 10 in the theater, but I’m not one who has time to go to the theater.. 🙂

    Favorite in theater was Interstellar, despite a lot of people hating it.

    Come back to us Boaz!!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • boazconstrictor January 13, 2015 at 5:15 am #

      I too loved Interstellar in spite of many friends who hated it (and in spite of its hokey flaws), still hoping it gets some Oscar love though the momentum isn’t in its favor.

      Like

  3. Ephraim January 13, 2015 at 3:20 am #

    Although as Boaz pointed out I have moved to Chi-town, I was able to see one of the aforementioned TERRIBLE movies that Boaz doesn’t mind me talking through with Boaz last week … In spirit. I had a few free hours and it was snowing and freezing cold to boot so I decided to duck into a theater rather than walk around Old Orchard trying to get sick. Why Los Angeles has indoor malls but Chicago has outdoor ones is BEYOND ME ( FYI the gratuitous use of CAPS LOCK is in honor of BOAZ). The only movie starting in the next hour was one that Yoni mentioned to me that he wanted to see: The Gambler, and having read ZERO reviews ( which I generally disregard anyway) I decided to GO FOR IT. One HUGE advantage of Chicago is the continued existence of the $6 matinee. In this case the saving grace would be for the theater, because if I had paid the LA standard $16.25 I would have absolutely demanded a refund.
    Now I know that even though it was 12:37 and the show time was 12:30 I would be able to rely on the TWENTY minutes of commercials and previews. What I did not realize is that there is a CONSPIRACY afoot whereby the theaters are adding 1 minute of previews a month. Their plan is that by 2016 the preview length will exceed all non Daniel Day Lewis features. The saving grace was that by the time the actual feature began there was still ZERO other patrons in the theater. Whether it was the inclement whether or the forthcoming ABORTION of a movie that gave me this rare privilege I was quit pleased. After speaking to Yoni ( who would have gladly spoken to me even if the theater was full) for a few minutes, I decided to call Boaz. Now this was a treat. For those of you who have never seen a movie with Boaz let me tell you that the theaters actually waive their right to show the Don’t Use Your Phone 5 minute commercial when Boaz is in attendance. They do this because he is more anal about cell phone use in the theater than any of those “adorable” and “clever” commercials. “I don’t care that your wife is in Labor turn the phone OFF. No silent mode is NOT sufficient.” In this case I had special dispensation from Boaz to freely use my phone being that the theater was literally EMPTY. After a ten minute conversation discussion whether the inane blackjack scenes or the overall dialogue in the movie was more painful to sit through, I switched over to text updates. The movie was actually full of suspense. Every time I thought that the dialogue couldn’t get worse I was BLOWN AWAY by the subsequent scene. As disappointing as it was to have Marky Mark ( who is generally a great actor IMO) vomit this drivel, it was only outdone by the even finer John Goodman (obviously acting in this film at gunpoint) delivering equally painful verbal diarrhea. One more bright note was the movies consistency. At no point where there any scenes with redeeming qualities. In fact the final scene with Marky Mark running through the streets of LA ( actually seeing LA again was the one plus but that was incidental to the actual movie) was equally as bad as the opening ( and much repeated scene ) where a college level proffesor continues to double his bet until he losses. His repeated statement “I’m not a gambler ” was quite true. The fact that he refused to quit short of bankrupting the casino was a non believable level of degeneracy beyond the most degenerate and pathetic gambler I have ever met. In case you are curious that would be the fellow at the gas station who was explaining his “lotto strategy” to the ladies waiting ahead of him on line. I had to go home and watch Sense and Sensibility just to cleanse my eyes. MISS YOU BO.

    Like

    • boazconstrictor January 13, 2015 at 5:23 am #

      WOW, what a response! Between the honoring CAPS LOCK and the ongoing reminiscence, I’m beyond flattered, it was like reading your own ranting blog! 🙂
      Yes that movie was terrible (and therefore it got honorable mention as such), and I couldn’t believe it when you called me and told me you were about to spend your hard-earned matinee money on it, and felt vindicated by your hating on it. Best of all is probably reading your description of my hatred for people even looking at their cell phones during a movie. Just this week a girl next to me not only turned on her phone during the movie, but she left it on facing me as I sat directly to her right. And when I finally asked her to “turn off your screen please” she gave me such a look of incredulity, you’d think I just encroached on her civil liberties…
      Miss my Ephraim as well!

      Like

  4. zralston January 14, 2015 at 11:06 am #

    8a: Zach — 0 movies. Let’s change that in 2015!

    Glad to see you blogging again; let’s get some reviews! I saw 74 in 2014 which was pretty good for a guy with a full time job and travel schedule (plus dozens more at home which were older than 2014, my favorite being 1977’s Sorcerer by William Friedkin). I agree with you on Skeleton Twins and Edge of Tomorrow. Did you see The Guest? Maybe my pick for best film nobody talked about. (This is assuming I think everyone talked about Under the Skin, Boyhood, Two Days One Night, The Babadook, Manakamana, Jodorowsky’s Dune, and other favorites of mine from last year).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. boazconstrictor January 14, 2015 at 8:40 pm #

    Always amazing hearing from you Zach, and yes, you’re not only ALWAYS overdue playing poker with us, but we’re both overdue seeing movies together. Good goal for this year! I’m lookin gofrward to seeing Two Days One Night, recently saw The Babadook so that goes for the 2015 tally instead, haven’t seen the others you said (other than Boyhood which I already mentioned loving).

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Boaz Movie Tally of 2015 | Boaz's Movie Obsession - January 29, 2016

    […] The most recent post was almost a full year ago, February 11th, 2015, and it was about my movie theater recommendations in LA, not even a movie review! While I immerse myself in self-flagellation, let’s see how I did with the goals I set myself in last year’s tally: […]

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